Below is something I wrote up and sent in to Modern Drummer a few years back...they loved it, passed it around the office...but ultimately didn't want to print it because, and I quote, "It had too much of a negative slant on touring. People would walk away from it with a negative view of the touring world."
Hmmm...I'm pretty sure that's what I meant to do. We hear all about the glitz and glamour of our fav artists and musicians...but we rarely hear the other side...sleeping in a van, shady venues, honary club owners, car trouble, low per diems, etc and so forth. So here you go...just one of my many experiences in this area...
To Tour or Not to Tour...
The call came early on a Monday afternoon. A bandleader, whom I had met at a recording session while in college, had heard I had recently moved to Nashville. His regular drummer had cancelled on him at the last minute and he needed a sub for a two to three week leg of a tour that left in two days. Here it was...my first touring opportunity! I was pumped to say the least! I had only been in town for about two months and was already getting a chance to head out on the road. Visions of gold plated beds, parties, champagne...I could barely believe it. The pay wasn't going to be great, but good enough in my mind, and seeing as I was going to need to pay rent the next month, all systems were a go.
My happy little bubble was burst promptly at 11:15pm that Wednesday evening when the van (what?! No bus?!?!) pulled up at my apartment. I walked outside and the first question in my mind was, "Where is the equipment trailer?" Come to find out, there would be no trailer. Instead they had removed three of the four bench seats to make room for the equipment inside the van. I did the math in my head and realized that this left only one bench seat in the back for two grown men, while the other two would sit up front. With our first gig seventeen (yes, you heard me right) hours away, it was lookin' to be a long night of travel. Scratch that....a long couple of weeks.
Ok...so the travel conditions weren't perfect...I was still optimistic...
I opted for the front seat to get to know the driver/bandleader, whom I had met only once, while the guitar player, whom I had never seen in my life, settled down for some sleep in a spot affectionately referred to as the "coffin". This bed of sorts consisted of a two-foot wide space directly behind the seat in back with a questionably clean sleeping bag rolled out across the top of two monitors laid on their side. Not exactly the Hilton, or a Motel 6 for that matter, but he seemed cozy enough.
With sleeping beauty in the back and me up front with our fearless leader, I decided to make small talk. We exchanged war stories about gigs (totally unbeknownst to me at the time that I was entering into the musical equivalent of Vietnam in my mind) and got to know each other. I was beginning to have some confidence about the situation again when he dropped the bombshell...He informed me that he smoked a little weed, and he hoped I didn't mind. Warning sirens began to sound in my head...as you know if you've read ANYTHING on this blog, I'm no stranger to drugs (which is probably the reason for the deafening warning bells...). I had played for three years on Bourbon Street in New Orleans and had been around much heavier substances than weed. The difference was, I had always been able to distance myself from it. I have somewhat of a high professional standard and I consider drugs to be a deal breaker in any situation. This being said, I had no way to get back home...whatever...how bad could it get? And so began my two and a half week long course "Life on a low budget van tour with a bunch of guys you don't know and wouldn't hang out with even if you did know them." To long of a name? How about this one..."Life Sucking."
As the days drug by (no pun intended), another issue presented itself...food. We received ten dollars a day per diem, but seeing as we were all above the age of eight and breathing, this presented a problem. I was trying to make some money on this gig, so it quickly became a game of survival...with my liver taking the brunt of the blows. Cheap fast food was the menu most days, health concerns gone out the window at this point, and some days I skipped up to two meals. I even stooped to the level of sneaking food from the casino buffet into a Ziploc bag so that I wouldn't have to pay again (without remembering that I had earlier stored my detergent in that bag...everything from that buffet had a definite "bite" to it)...Yes, I had reached a new low in my career.
Other problems followed closely behind. Everyday was a toss up as to what our sleeping situation would be. From shifty houses to cheap motels, I felt like a cheap Bourbon Street call girl...I never knew what the next bed would look like. This combined with problems of gear malfunction, unhappy club owners, and me getting sick mid trip (imagine that) made for a hodge-podge of misery. Let's not forget that the person closest to my age was thirteen years older than me and the other two were actually TWICE my age!
About halfway into the tour...and my sanity...the van began to run hot. Leaking radiator...fantastic. Seeing as we had two days off before the next gig, I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to take one of the days, rest, and get the van fixed. I thought wrong. Our fearless leader, with all of his mechanical mastery and knowledge, deemed that the leak was a slow one and we were going to stretch this one day trip into two. He had always wanted to travel on the Extraterrestrial Highway (a stretch of road that runs through Nevada and passes Area 51, infamous for supposed government cover-ups of UFO sightings) and the two days off afforded the perfect opportunity. This lonely stretch of highway also lies in the middle of the desert, a place one would think to avoid traveling through with a vehicle that had the very high probability to overheat, not to mention we would now spend both of our days off cramped in a van. Needless to say...I was thrilled.
Even though this seemed to be a bad decision, I secretly took comfort in the fact that I had my cell phone should anything go wrong, but about half an hour into our drive I realized i had no service. My safety net was slowly beginning to have holes in it. Another thought began to arise in my mind...No one really lives in the desert...mainly because it's the desert. A leaking radiator, no cell phone, and stretches of road over a hundred miles long without the hope of even seeing a house, much less a service station. I began to wonder where I had gone wrong to deserve this punishment.
Sometime that afternoon the decision was made, without my consultation, that it was time to break out the goods... And so everyone began to alter their state of mind, everyone except me who was desperately trying to figure out how to get the back window to crack open more than three inches. It was in this altered state that they began to scan the horizon for UFO's. After a while they of course found something in the air that they deemed UFO material, seeing as it had all of the distinguishing characteristics of a white dot or a small cloud. Who knows, maybe it was a UFO...full of aliens...alien musicians...with a drummer in the back wondering how the heck they wound up on planet Earth.
Bonus to this story...I learned a few things from my experience...and hopefully they will save someone somewhere a lot of misery.
Drugs are a deal breaker...
In my life I've seen far too many talented musicians fall prey to drug addiction. If you want a healthy and productive career in music, it's best to steer clear of them. This means more than not indulging in them, it means distancing yourself and your career as much as possible from them.
Know the people and their lifestyles before signing on...
Even if it's a well funded tour, this is a must...Are they close to your age? Do your personalities match up? Do they share the same set of values? If it's hard to stand them for a two hour rehearsal, an extended string of gigs is a definite no-no.
Pay on the road is different than pay in town...
You are actually LIVING out of a van...or bus...or whatever...Unless an adequate per diem is agreed upon ahead of time, you will be losing some of your overall take home pay. It's not worth the trouble to work for a month straight if you're not going to have anything to show for it. The pay scale needs to be raised to compensate for increased expenses.
Bus or van?
Short and easy question...the answer to that simple question tells you ALOT about the gig.
Not all tours are created equal. Be sure to know all of the facts (or as much as possible) or you might find yourself in the middle of the desert with three men you don't know...looking for UFO's...
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