C.S. Lewis
Sometimes progress isn't a foward move.
I love the writings of C.S. Lewis...yes, he's a Christian writer...and this particular passage is from one of his most well known works "Mere Christianity". He meant it in a completely different capacity...but as I was reading it through this time, it struck me in a different way...a more universal way.
You could plug this statement into any aspect of your life, and it would still ring true.
The hard part is admitting you're headed in the wrong direction...
Why are we so frickin' stubborn? Why do we insist on banging our heads against a wall, only to get the same result we have every time before...a bloody head.
Yea, it's the admitting that sucks...because then you have to admit you're wrong...your way of doing things is wrong...your philosophies are somehow flawed...you read (or wrote) your manual wrong...
The circumstances leading up to our admitting our fault are usually painful...not pleasant...for some reason we as humans see things the clearest when we're in pain. Maybe that's a survival skill left over from the jungle days...that fight or flight instinct applied to thought.
The girl always has to dump you for you to realize what a deusch you are...you have to be fired to realize how great a gig you had...etc and so forth.
...And then to fix it...
You have to turn around. Start walking back the way you just came. Pass by all of the "work" and "accomplishments" that got you to that wrong place. And you keep walking...until you come back to the place you can fix it. Sometimes that's a few steps...sometimes it's a few miles. either way it sucks. Nobody likes to backtrack. It gives you the feeling of losing ground. And in the short term I guess you are...but when you back away from the map, you're actually progressing towards the shortest route to your final destination.
Why bother posting something like this?
Because I had to admit some wrong turns about two years ago. I had to make that dreaded turn around...head back in the other direction...it sucked. Lots of time and effort wasted. Lots of money wasted. Oh well...so's life I guess.
I re-assessed how my "career" in music was going...not well...and started to make practical and methodical steps to fix it. Steps that weren't based on "chance" or getting a "break"...steps that were decided upon because of things I felt I could do myself....ways I could make it work...etc...that whole self-realization crap...
So here I am...turned around, backtracked, and re-started. I'm alot more at peace. My playing isn't near what it was two years ago, that could be fixed with some elbow grease though...that's ok, doesn't have to be at this point. We go through those dry times...you just have to learn to accept them and focus on other things until you can get back to the reason you're doing those other things.
I love the gigs I'm taking, I love the original music I'm involved in, I've almost completed a studio in my home, I have absolutely ZERO pressure and stress on my playing...it's great. Sure, I'm not playing full time at this point. I'm kinda've enjoying the break though...feels like a pretty intense period of playing is coming up. Cherish the quiet when you can get it...it'll be loud again soon enough.
So what should you take from this?
You don't have to take anything I don't guess.
I'd love for you to assess where you are though. Take five minutes...jot down the things you love about what you're doing...the things you hate...the things you want to accomplish...how you could get there...and then the biggest question...Is the shortest way to that place you want to be backwards?
It's ok if it is...mine was...at least I'll have some company. There's not many that will admit an error in their ways...but those that do are ALWAYS infinitely happier in the long run.
